As you may have noticed, I haven’t been blogging that much this past month. Dec-mid March are slow months for me, but it’s been exceptionally slow here lately. But I have been feeling kinda down and discouraged because I haven’t had anything to really do. And when I get that way, I tend to start watching videos on YouTube of my favorite channels; People to make the laugh (Olan Rogers), people to encourage me (Once again, Olan Rogers [ha] and Jasmine Star), and just people that share the same interests as I do, and then vlog about it, haha (Anything beauty related, haha). I tend to run these thoughts in my mind about styled shoots (and don’t worry, I will be needing people for one soon enough, haha) and then when I get to the part when I ask for models, my mind draws a blank and that feeling of being uninspired comes back. …Until I find the perfect couple. They look the way that I had envisioned, find my jokes funny, and are the coolest cats on the planet. This is the way I hope it happens, haha.
When I get to the point when I feel like I can’t go on anymore, I look back and realize that it’s been FOUR years of this. Why quit now? In my mind, I’m thinking, “It would be easier to quit”. Of course it would be easier. I wouldn’t have to worry about advertising, planning, organizing sessions, editing, TAXES, but all of that makes up for the fact that I’m doing what I love to do.
I get to go out there with my gear and photograph some amazing people in the best way that I know how. Have a great time and possibly enjoy those tiny rays of sunlight that peek through tree branches and land perfectly where I need them to. Ya know…the little things.
And then there’s Hailey.
For those of you who don’t know, Hailey is my four year old daughter. She is the most sassy, wild, curly headed little turd that you’ll ever meet.
She is my reason for life in general. I never knew what that meant until she came along and until here recently, didn’t realize how big she is getting on me. We registered her for k4 (which is pretty much preschool for 4 year olds in SC) last Friday. This child was so excited because she thought she was just gonna waltz right in that building and go to class. She put the biggest book she owns in her backpack and threw that bad boy on her back. She amazes me every single day and I know the good Lord will give me slack if I stop doing what I love to do (besides being her mommy) right now. I was actually reading through Hailey’s baby book yesterday and I read something that really sat with me. There was a section that was “About mommy & about daddy”. In the interests, I had wrote (this was either before she was born, or right after) that I, “Loved singing and music, I love to paint and taking pictures. Hopefully mommy will be a famous photographer one day!”.
I don’t know if that’s suppose to encourage me or make me feel terrible because I haven’t gotten there yet. But once again….I’ve only been at this for FOUR YEARS. But if you really think about it, four years, is quite a long time to really stick with something. Practicing at it, getting better at times, making mistakes, and learning lessons from those mistakes…it’s all a part of life. But I need to prove to myself that I can get to that point to where I feel accomplished or “famous” as I wrote in Hailey’s baby book. There have been things in the past couple of years that have pushed me back, but I have a feeling that things will pick up very soon.
I’m here to kick yer butt 2014. Get ready 🙂
Until next time….